Listen to this post: How to recognise romance scams and protect loved ones
A kind message lands at the right time. Then another, and another. Soon there’s a good morning text, a long evening chat, and the warm feeling that someone finally “gets” you.
That’s the start of many romance scams. A scammer pretends to want a real relationship, builds trust quickly, then uses that trust to take money, personal details, or both. It doesn’t only happen on dating apps. It happens on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, even in comment sections. And in 2026, AI tools can help fake profiles look polished and messages sound natural, which is why smart, caring people still get caught.
This guide gives clear signs to watch for and a calm plan to protect family without shame.
How romance scams usually unfold, step by step
Photo by Markus Winkler
Romance scams often follow a familiar script. The details change, but the rhythm stays the same: attention, closeness, pressure, then a request.
It helps to picture it like a stage play. The scammer controls the lighting (when they message), the soundtrack (sweet talk), and the plot twist (an emergency). Your loved one isn’t “weak”. They’re being led through a story designed to bypass doubt.
In UK reporting, losses are serious. City of London Police figures cited by Money Wellness put UK romance fraud at over £106m in 2024/25, with average losses around £11,222 (UK romance fraud figures and advice). Those numbers only capture what gets reported.
The hook, the bond, then the emergency
The opening is usually simple and flattering. “You seem genuine.” “You’ve got such kind eyes.” Then comes constant contact. The scammer replies fast, remembers tiny details, and makes the target feel chosen.
Next, they try to move off the platform. Dating apps can flag suspicious accounts, so the scammer pushes for WhatsApp, Telegram, email, or private text. The bond deepens with love-bombing: intense compliments, talk of fate, early promises, and “I’ve never felt this way”.
Then the turn. A crisis lands, often sudden and time-sensitive:
- A flight needs booking “today”
- A child is ill
- A contract payment is stuck
- A parcel is held at customs
- A bank account is “frozen”
- A work injury means they can’t access funds
Common roles include overseas engineer, oil rig worker, military service member, contractor, or someone “temporarily” away from home. Distance is useful. It explains why they can’t meet.
A quick memory checklist: Fast feelings, fast secrets, fast pressure.
Why 2026 scams feel more believable (AI chat, deepfakes, and “fraud factories”)
Scams feel more realistic now because scammers can sound consistent, patient, and emotionally tuned in. AI chat tools can help write messages in fluent English, keep a steady “personality”, and respond quickly across many conversations at once.
They can also personalise. If your mum mentions her dog, the scammer remembers the dog’s name next week. If your uncle says he’s lonely after retirement, the scammer leans into companionship and “starting over”.
Some groups run this like shift work, with scripts and handovers. One person starts the chat, another takes over when money talk begins. Better acting doesn’t mean it’s real. It just means the operation is organised.
Deepfake video and voice tricks are also improving. A short, blurry video call can be staged to “prove” identity, while avoiding anything that would stand up to close checking.
Red flags you can spot before money is even mentioned
Many people wait for the first request for cash before they worry. By then, the emotional hooks are already in. The earlier clues tend to be behavioural: control, speed, and excuses that repeat.
A useful mindset is this: genuine relationships can be keen, but they don’t need secrecy. They don’t punish questions. And they don’t turn love into a deadline.
Consumer watchdog reporting has highlighted common warning signs, including avoidance of video calls and emotional pressure (Which? romance scam warning signs).
Behaviour clues that don’t add up
Watch for patterns, not one odd moment. Anyone can be busy for a day. Scammers stay busy whenever proof is needed.
Common behaviour red flags include:
They won’t do a normal video call. They might offer voice notes, or a short call with bad signal, then claim their camera is broken. If they do video, they keep it brief and controlled.
They rush commitment. “I love you” in days or weeks, talk of marriage, moving in, or shared finances before meeting.
They isolate the target. Lines like “No one understands us”, “Your family is jealous”, or “Keep this special between us” are designed to cut off reality checks.
They flip when questioned. Calm curiosity should not trigger guilt, anger, or sulking. Scammers often say, “If you loved me, you’d trust me.”
They keep you on a leash. Constant messages, checking where you are, asking for photos “right now”, and getting upset if you don’t respond.
If you’re supporting a loved one, notice whether they’ve become secretive, defensive, or suddenly protective of someone they’ve never met. Those can be signs the scammer is coaching them on what to say.
Profile and content clues (photos, posts, and “too perfect” details)
A romance scam profile often looks like a magazine cover: attractive photos, impressive job, clean background. Real life is usually messier.
Clues that a profile may be fake:
- Very new account, or long gaps followed by sudden activity
- Few real friends, or friends with odd, generic interactions
- Photos that look like professional modelling shots
- Posts that feel copied, with broad captions that fit anyone
- A claimed location that clashes with time zone, slang, or posting hours
- Vague job details, especially when the job is used as a reason for distance
Simple checks that don’t require “spy work”:
Reverse image search a profile photo. If the same image appears under other names, that’s a strong sign.
Look for repeated captions by copying a sentence into a search engine. Scammers reuse scripts across accounts.
Ask one grounded question that a real person can answer easily, such as the exact area they grew up in or what their workplace is like day-to-day. Scammers tend to answer with fog, not detail.
If your loved one says, “They’re private”, remember this: privacy is normal. A total absence of verifiable life is not.
Money and crypto requests that scream scam
The first money ask rarely sounds like “send me money”. It’s framed as partnership, loyalty, or a temporary problem. The scammer often starts small, then scales up.
High-risk requests include:
- Gift cards (because they’re hard to trace and quick to cash out)
- Crypto transfers, “investment opportunities”, or being taught how to buy crypto
- Wire transfers, money transfer services, or couriered cash
- “Help me receive money”, “use your account”, or “move funds for me”
- Fees to release a parcel, pay customs, or unlock a bank account
- Loans “just until payday”, especially when payday never arrives
A plain rule protects almost everyone: never send money to someone you haven’t met in person, even if you’ve chatted for months. If that feels harsh, treat it like seatbelts. You don’t wear them because you expect a crash, you wear them because you respect how fast things can go wrong.
Industry bodies have also warned about how often online daters get asked for money (UK Finance romance scam guidance).
How to protect a loved one without pushing them away
When someone’s emotionally invested, a direct attack on the “relationship” can backfire. The scammer has often prepared them for this, saying family will “try to ruin it”. If you come in shouting, you can end up playing the role the scammer wrote for you.
Think “safety first”, not “I told you so”. You’re trying to keep the door open.
Start the conversation gently, keep their dignity intact
Lead with care and curiosity. Your goal is to get them talking, not to win an argument.
Helpful scripts that keep things calm:
- “I’m happy you’ve got someone to talk to. Can we look at a few safety checks together, just in case?”
- “Lots of decent people get targeted. I’d rather double-check than regret it later.”
- “Would you be okay with a video call where we all say hello? If they’re genuine, they’ll understand.”
What to do:
Ask questions that invite detail. “When did they last video call?”, “What’s their full name and where do they live?”, “Have you ever met anyone they know?”
Offer to verify together. Make it a shared task, like checking a hotel booking. Less threat, more teamwork.
What not to do:
- Don’t call them stupid.
- Don’t mock the romance.
- Don’t demand they cut contact immediately, unless there’s immediate financial risk.
Signs they may be coached by a scammer: repeating set phrases, refusing reasonable checks, hiding their phone, sudden withdrawals, or insisting you “just don’t understand”.
A practical safety plan for phones, accounts, and bank transfers
A good plan reduces risk even if the person isn’t ready to accept the truth yet.
Use a short checklist you can do together:
Pause and verify: agree on a 24-hour pause before any payment, no matter the reason.
Lock down logins: turn on two-factor authentication for email, banking, and social media.
Tighten social settings: limit who can message, view friends lists, or see location and workplace.
Share less in chats: no address, no travel plans, no pictures of documents, no photos that show house numbers.
Bank safety: set up alerts for new payees, large payments, and overseas transfers; ask the bank about transaction limits if that’s appropriate for the person.
Keep evidence: screenshots, usernames, phone numbers, email addresses, crypto wallet addresses, and payment references.
If you’re worried about identity fraud too, TransUnion research shows fear of romance scams is affecting how people use dating apps, and highlights public appetite for stronger identity checks (TransUnion research on romance scam concerns).
If money was sent, act fast and report it
Speed matters. Some payments can be stopped or recovered, especially if you move quickly and provide clear evidence.
Immediate steps:
- Contact the bank or card provider straight away and explain it may be fraud.
- Report the account on the platform (dating app, Facebook, Instagram) and submit evidence.
- Save everything before chats disappear: messages, receipts, profiles, and images.
- Report to the UK’s fraud reporting services and police where appropriate, especially if threats are involved.
- Warn close contacts if the scammer might impersonate your loved one to target friends.
Expect a “second hit”. After a scam, criminals often return as a fake recovery agent who claims they can get the money back for a fee. That’s another scam.
Regulators and financial firms are increasingly focused on prevention and better customer support. The FCA has set out what banks and payment firms should do to detect and prevent romance fraud, and how they should support victims (FCA review on combating romance fraud).
Conclusion
Romance scams work because they don’t feel like scams at first. They feel like relief, attention, and hope. The safest response isn’t panic. It’s a steady routine of slowing down and checking the basics.
Hold on to one rule: never send money to someone you haven’t met in person. If a loved one is caught up in it, protect the relationship you have with them as well as their bank balance. Shame makes people hide. Calm support brings them back.
Share these warning signs in your family group chat, especially with relatives who live alone. And remember the three-part rule: Pause, Check, Talk.
